he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I think I sprained my soul last night
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If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
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"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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