I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
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Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
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wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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