The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
