so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
