ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
