Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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