Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
