mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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