He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i've created a new STD.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
