i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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