I'm passing your future prison.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
