yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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