Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
