I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
