just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
