ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
