My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
