Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
