I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
