That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
