Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
