Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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