So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
