Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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