the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
you are never too drunk for berry picking
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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