He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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