he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
