I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
