he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
