Plan B is the new Plan A
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
