Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
this just has baby written all over it
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
