My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
