that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Randomize
