He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
