i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
