What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
