Just fell off a train. Bad.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
