there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
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Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
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New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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