I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
