hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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