I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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