people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you win again, gameday.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
