i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
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Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
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I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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