Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
