No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I am spending my child support on dildos
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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