Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm too high and old for this...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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