I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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