Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
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What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
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I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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