Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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