Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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