I want to have your abortion
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
don't judge my taste in strippers
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
