My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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