i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
