You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
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I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
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I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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