Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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