he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
