Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
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i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
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me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?