I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.