I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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