My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I stole an accordion from the bar
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?