Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
