I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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