Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
