I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
