It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
