i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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