dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
