Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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