I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
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Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
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If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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