it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Boobs speak an international language.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
