chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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