I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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