my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
