saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
