he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
