I heard we made out
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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