you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
