he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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