I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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