maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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