Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
